She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
