its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
