Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
