i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
