Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I didn't shave. On purpose
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
