You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
