Just fell off a train. Bad.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
