So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize