it's too hot outside to masturbate.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
