i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
