what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
