Ambien. No doubt about it.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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