North Korea, Best Korea!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
