We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
