I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize