Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
