How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
