but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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