bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
