Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
