I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
