Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
