then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
