Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
