Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
