I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
