my mouth tastes like poor choices
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
