Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
