All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize