Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
