youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just tell him i said nine months
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
