So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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