Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
