I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
