the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
