Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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