i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize