He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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