Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
