Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
