There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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