I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize