Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
whose parrot is this?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
