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Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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