oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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