dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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