went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it's great music for shaving your balls
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
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