in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
