How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
