Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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