Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
