He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
