I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize