the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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