Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
