last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
