your parents love me but you hate me
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
