Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
