how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
