there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
