So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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