I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
