Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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