it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
