More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize