Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
