Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
